Give yourself a break and take a load off...

I used to watch this amazing programme called 'The Ace of Cakes' where a chap called Duff Goldman and his team made absolutely fantastical cakes that you would never think were cakes - cars, planes, football stadiums, houses, flamingoes - all sorts - and I once saw them make a replica of a Navy war ship - bear with, I can tell you are wondering where I'm going here - so when I was asked if I could make a ship with a Scottish/Australian twist, armed with the extensive experience of 'having seen it done once' courtesy of Mr Goldman and his stellar crew, I bulk ordered the 'battle ship grey' fondant and got thinking.

You might think that cakes are all made in moulds or tins - but most of the time they are patched and stuck together and then all the joins hidden with buttercream liberally applied like plaster, render, cement etc. So how do you make random shapes and actual 'things' out of cake? Well, here is where most of my cakes, that aren't your trad round shape, get started.

After some desk based research (three pictures off of google) and my technical adviser's input (Dad) I got to work and a prototype was built - see exhibit A. above. I know what you are thinking - thats a loaf tin with cardboard stuck on it isn't it? - well yes but this is highly highly technical, scientific and very complex process I'll have you know. Basically I look for a shape that repeats itself - in this case happily loaf tins were ideal because of the angled sides and the length so 4 were duly buttered and lined and the cake prep got underway.

The key was going to be getting a decent shape for the ship - given that it was going to be grey all over - so sponges ready I had to try and replicate the shape - cut here, cut there, shape and angle this side, and repeat on the other - imagine cutting your own fringe - and you've just about got it - cut and check, cut and check again and before you know it you've gone too far, WAY too far - so another sponge was baked and this time the relevant caution exercised...see below - I can assure you I was absolutely not having a 'fiesta' - but had once again slipped into total kitchen chaos and had to use the cooker surface to carve up the cake because there wasn't a spare surface left uncluttered!

You'll notice here that I've put cling film down - this is a great tip - because then you can really quick clear the decks - talk about off cuts! There was enough left to basically make the same cake again! I bagged it all up and stuck it in the freezer for trifles / tiramisu's in the future (like I make these all the time - I don't but a, I couldn't waste it, and b, it sounds like the kind of thing people say on the TV).

Trusty piping bags to hand - the sponges were stuck, welded and riveted together and 'laying the keel' seemed to go quite well. Off she went to the fridge to chill down whilst yet another monumental clear up took place and the fondant (#renshaw - where would I be without ready to roll fondant!) got all sorted out. The rest of the day went really well - the ship took shape, a few details got painted on and the sea went around her all without incident - Heading into day 2 feeling like I might just have this one!

Day 2 - Foolish foolish girl - the previous evening's confidence (or cockiness - whichever you prefer) was ill advised. Could I get the bridge or the ship to cover well in the fondant and then stay on top? Could I bo**ocks! (sorry) - and it was getting hot and messy - fingerprints, fondant getting shiny, things just toppling off - I'd have had wine had it not been about 10.30 in the morning.

I had to admit defeat and make the bridge out of polystyrene - polystyrene is a real life saver at times - carving up polystyrene and covering it instead because its so light takes the pressure off the cake underneath and is easier to put into place with the help of cocktail sticks. I also made the gun turrets with it too. By about 2pm I had regained composure and control and was on to Nessie and the Kangaroo - the relevance of these lies in the fact that the recipient of said cake is from Oz and has been working in Scotland - just so that makes a bit more sense for you. Anyways - the moral of this story is that there is usually always a work around - you'll figure it out if you just take your time and think outside the box a little bit - not all of the cake has to be cake if its not going to work out or be safe to transport without disintegration! In most cases I find it is the weight of things thats causes the problems - so if you have to, just take a load off!

The end result was pretty good I thought and a few finishing touches like the helipad, the cork hat and the white horses on the crest of the waves set it off a treat.

May god bless her, and all who sail in her!